Gonna Cry?

How’s The Pie? So Good! Unless You Tell Me It’s Not

There comes a point in every man’s life where he must stand up for his beliefs. It’s not always easy to face the oncoming wind and hold your ground, but sometimes it’s important to speak up on the issues that matter, even if the masses may deem you controversial or cancelable for it. So here goes:

I like Spider-Man 3.

NOW WAIT before you start hurling full bottles of flammable liquid at my head, allow me to explain. I’m well aware that Spider-Man 3 is not regarded as a good film. It holds a 63% on Rotten Tomatoes, and 51% audience score, and there are certainly better (and worse!) Spidey films out there. I think the poor reception is probably what led to them wiping the slate clean for the next Spider-Man motion picture.

But I like it. I came out of the cinema back in 2007 glowing. I texted a friend saying it was “the best one yet!” (it wasn’t), and while I was willing to acknowledge its flaws, that it was a little overstuffed and the Venom plot was slightly rushed, I figured it would generally be seen as a welcome addition to the series.

Basically no-one agreed with me.

The dancing scene, in which a newly emo and overconfident Peter Parker struts down the street in an obnoxious manner, is often cited as a low point for the film and series. How could the man who directed Doctor’s Octopus’s horrifying tentacle awakening also make Spider-Man do this?:

Personally I think this scene is often misinterpreted by dummies, who think it is meant to be taken 100% at face value and that we, the audience, are meant to find this extremely charming and cool. We’re not. This is not a cool person, this is a shy nerd’s impression of what cool is.

When it became clear that I was the lonely soul in support of this movie within my community, I did what any self-respecting nerd would do: I kept quiet. I didn’t want to be seen as being wrong about my movie opinion! That sort of thing can get you exiled - that your taste, and therefore credibility, can be so against the grain. No one would take my view on these silly comic-book movies seriously ever again!

When I first saw these movies - all three of them - it felt like these were the only Spider-Man films that were going to be made (how naive), and they were the final word on the character in cinema. This wasn’t just a version of the Spider-Man mythos, it was THE version, and I think a lot of people butted up against that. We’d waited 40 years for Spidey to hit the silver screen, and this is what we get? The highs were high, but the lows didn’t resemble the comics at all. And what a waste of Eddie Brock!

But on re-watching these films over the years, I see more and more that these are not the definitive Spider-Man, but instead are a very specific and stylised version, the vision of a great filmmaker. They draw very specifically from the early Lee/Ditko comics in tone, and Raimi/Maguire have a unique characterisation of shy bookworm Peter Parker. This specificity is true of all three films, but it is especially true of the third entry - it resembles the overall comics least of all of them.

And isn’t that wonderful? I’m so glad now that we have this weird version of Spider-Man, making unusual choices in a kind of campy movie that does not attempt to play it safe. This is the culmination of some weird over the top choices throughout the trilogy, and the film is not ashamed to embrace the weirdness of it all. An alien entity arrives on a meteor in the first few minutes and you’re just supposed to go with it without further examination. Pete asks for milk with his cookies, somehow in a menacing manner. Harry Osborn does a magical disappearing act. It’s weird.

But, shock twist, I’m not here to convince you that Spider-Man 3 is good. I’m here to relieve you of all the anger you feel when someone just spent several paragraphs defending Spider-Man 3.

People get very riled up about opinions regarding media. Just mention The Last Jedi on Twitter and watch the sparks fly. If someone expresses their honest view and someone disagrees with it, there is a chance they will let you know that you are a fool and you should be immediately executed. Certain fanbases get so annoyed when a reviewer doesn’t rate the thing they enjoy, as if it’s a personal attack.

But art does not exist on one scale of overall quality, with “The Godfather” at one end and “Spider-Man 3” at the other. If this scale was definitive, why would we watch anything other than The Godfather? Why wouldn’t all paintings be replaced with prints of the Mona Lisa, accompanied by The Beatles?

The joy of art, in any form, is that everyone can have a different personal reaction to it. We’ve all had varying experiences, and this will be reflected back at us in different ways. Objective quality is impossible when millions of people are interpreting work uniquely. Technically we all have differing opinions on everything, it’s just sometimes they align slightly like a row in a fruit machine. If I found someone who agreed with me 100% on Spider-Man 3, it would probably be a very boring discussion. What would we even have to discuss?

There’s something very freeing about having “wrong” opinions, because ultimately: who cares? I love discussing media with people, but there has to be some kind of informal gentleman’s handshake beforehand, an agreement that none of it really matters. I have learned not to take it personally when our views diverge on art, there are much more important things to worry about. It sounds obvious, but I think sometimes we need reminded of that.

Don’t be afraid to be wrong. Sometimes it’s fun.

Legend of the Mole-Man, Pages 16-18

Remember, if you fall behind or want to read the whole thing, just go here!

These pages also included the ONE HUNDREDTH panel of this silly comic, so I did a special version of it to celebrate:

What a stupid comic this is.

Shameless Promotion

Immediately after I finish writing this newsletter, I’m going to add two prints to my store:

SO unless I’m a big idiot and forgot to add them, go grab them now!!! Or sign up to the Patreon to secure this month’s print:

Every Simpsons Character Ever #0271 - Executive

This is the guy that Burns points to, briefly, before moving to Homer.

The most noteworthy thing about him other than this moment is his striking resemblance to Joey Jojo Jr Shabadoo!

Although I am making one of my patented judgement calls that despite the show's early habit of miscolourings, these are NOT the same character. What gives me that authority?

Um.

Listen, don't ask those kinds of questions, otherwise this whole thing kinda falls apart.

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